What does Self-Care REALLY mean?

Just a few days ago, I found myself out of my house and doing something for me. I had planned for it, prepped other areas of my day-to-day for it, and was finally in the moment, enjoying what I had been waiting for for quite some time. But ever so slowly, as this relatively small time block rolled on, my mind began to wander. And gradually, sort of like the way ice cream melts on a warm day, my eagerness in enjoying the time for myself began to drip away and I started feeling pangs of guilt for putting other things (and people) on pause for a few hours to do something so focused on the self.

I started talking out loud to the person I was with; “I feel bad I’m not at home helping my husband out with our daughter.” (when only just moments before I received a message indicating everything was just fine at home). “Why?” she asked sincerely. “Well, I don’t know, I just do.” As I said the words I felt my brow furrow with a bit of confusion. And it was in that moment that I truly struggled to come up with an actual answer, but even more was my bewilderment in understanding why I truly felt that way to begin with.

So what is self-care really about? Because here I was, doing just that. I was caring about the self! MY self. And yet somehow, I couldn’t seem to shake the heaviness of responsibility I felt for everything else too. And I realized that if I’m struggling in this area (someone who passionately preaches from behind my massage table pulpit about the importance of this very topic!) then perhaps others are likely struggling alongside me. So let me try and very quickly syphon this down to a thought you can easily digest, in hopes it will help you when it’s time to approach your own time to yourself.

Over the last few days, I’ve begun thinking about self-care in more than one dimension. Ordinarily, self-care looks or feels like something finite or tangible.

It’s something you can experience, hold, feel, enjoy, taste. It can also be measured in time. Time away, time devoted to one thing over another, more time to enjoy whatever it is your mind, body, or spirit craves. But what happens when we go through the motion of self-care, but do not actually let our emotions off the hook too? What if we don’t actually change the script of our inner dialogue? It’s not just about getting in the car and driving toward some form of temporary freedom or reprieve; it’s ALSO about letting your mind and your emotions leave with you. To temporarily snip the strings that keep us tethered to the everyday life we love, and to soar just a little bit above it for awhile, enjoying the freedom and taking in the view from a different perspective.

Self care is giving yourself permission to pause. To breathe. To be or do whatever it is you need and a little bit of space to do it freely, without guilt or shame or apologies. It’s speaking kindness to yourself, not just showing it.

Focusing the Lens

Discovering this little ah-ha moment has given me a fresh new momentum in listening to my own needs, but also prioritizing them appropriately. From now on, when I decide to do something that benefits me, I’m going (really try) to commit to the entire idea of it. To let my emotions follow in line behind my actions, and truly give into the grace that’s at the core of self-care opportunities. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so filling yours up should be something you focus your lens on once in awhile.

May your cup be filled with purpose, love, and the wonderment of taking a healing, deep breath.

Dani Latham, LMT #4912